Coverage for the Greater Philadelphia Film Office, 2010
During the summer of 2010, I worked as an administrative assistant at The Greater Philadelphia Film Office. As a part of my tasks, I read and wrote coverage for about three screenplays a day. Here are three examples of coverage that I wrote during my time there.
The Destruction of Dori and Grey
82 pages
Coverage by Kelsey Amentt
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Logline: They thought their music would withstand the test of time, but will their love?
Synopsis:
In “The Destruction of Dori and Grey” there is other worldly conspiracy theory involving Santana and Miss Jones, rulers of the underworld, and their control over the music business and the bartering of souls for fame and fortune. Pair of musicians, Dori and Grey, in hopes of musical stardom seek out Santana and Miss Jones for their help. Grey sells his soul to Santana and is required to commit seven sins in the process of becoming a rock star. Miss Jones continually tries to break up Dori and Grey’s relationship. She offers Grey other women, she gives him new songs, she embarrasses Dori in front of Grey’s fans, she plants seeds of discontent in their heads. She even goes so far to tell him that she’s dead, which Dori disproves when she comes back to return their songs. Grey loses Dori and finally decides he wants out of his contract but is stuck. So he decides instead of fame he wants for the everlasting love of Dori and Grey, however, because of Grey’s narcissism and misunderstanding, Dori decides to sell her own soul to get what she wants, her own stardom. She leaves Grey completely and follows her own dream of following her passions of music.
Comments:
“The Destruction of Dori and Grey” has an interesting premise but overall, hasn’t matured into its full potential yet. It had a lot of possibilities and in a few years after reworking plot and execution, I really do think it could be something, however, at the moment it just seems premature. The main contributing factors to this impotence of plot are the dialogue, the characters and the plot. The film deals primarily with music of all sorts. Everything from rock to folk to country to R&B. So a good amount of the lines are interspersed with “music” lines. However, these music lines do have the potential to be considered cheesy, especially since most of them are just the title of the song. Songs such as “Push It” by Salt and Pepper, “You had a Bad Day” by Daniel Powter, etc. are a little to easy to place in there, plus a little too current. Currency seems to work against this script. A script needs to be a little more timeless than time sensitive. The less “music” lines the better or if they weren’t as obvious it would be much better. For example, if one were to use a lyric rather than the title of a song. It is much harder to research but it would stick out more for the people who know plus it would be less notable. A good example of that is when the author references Leader of the Pack when describing Dori’s death scene. For people who know the allusion, it makes sense. The dialogue has a tendency to get campy, which is fine if one is going for a “rocky horror” type film, however, it does need to be a little more tasteful and well planned out. I believe the lyric lines would help a million.
The characters are also problematic. The relationship between Dori and Grey isn’t cultured enough from the beginning for the audience to get upset when they start having problems. We need to see the before to feel the after. I didn’t realize Santana was a guy until halfway through the script, that might have been because he is always with Miss Jones or because he comes off as mean but effeminate but that needs to be clearer. Miss Jones is the strongest character out of all of them. She is rude, mean, to the point, vicious, ready to kill, all that and more. This is why when she goes on about Dori dying I was confused as to why she didn’t see it through to make sure she didn’t come back. She doesn’t like Dori and easily could have killed her having no respect for life, so why not? I even thought that when Miss Jones killed that band member at the end that that was Dori and that they’d get Grey’s soul because Dori was dead. However, she is never harmed. Perhaps, it is because they know that she is the one they want all along, but then why waste their time on Grey? They could easily get two souls in less time, but I suppose that delves more into plot. The characters need to be drawn stronger. I can see them during and after the fact but before is still hazy and that’s necessary to really grasp the whole image. The interactions between the characters are vital. Without them, there is no interest in the story.
The plot grasps at straws. It’s an interesting idea, however, the execution can only take you so far. I found myself getting bored with Grey and Dori arguing over music and love and life and just wanting someone to die already. The ending is idealistic in a very male way. The idea that Grey has had this long internal battle (with music, drugs, fame and Dori) and finally decides to stay with Dori and salvation is very idealistic and, pardon my pessimism but, unrealistic. On top of that, the fact that Dori decides to then sell her soul and love and all ( à la Eve) for stardom makes her look like this fallen angel. For me, it almost would’ve made more sense if Dori sold her soul to be with Grey and Grey sold his soul to be with Dori (repay each other’s debts) and they die from drug overdose in each other’s arms. Yes, it’s morbid, but it’s a much better ending (cause at least it’s romantic). The fact of the matter is nothing is learned or gained or culminated at the end of this story. It’s supposed to be a romance but it’s just a story of Grey’s self-love. Grey does nothing until the end to sacrifice himself for Dori and because of that Dori falls from grace but yet it is portrayed in a bad light. The plot is also mish mashed in that it’s not sure if it wants to be a musical or not. That’s a big plot change if this screenplay is a musical. Musicals can be campy and fun, it can be a Rocky Horror or a Moulin Rouge. One just has to be aware of the work and demographic that comes with musicals. An R rating isn’t the best for a musical. Overall, I felt this script had a good idea, however, it needed to be reworked and rethought for future revisions.
CD
126 Pages
Coverage by Kelsey Amentt
Genre: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Drama
Tagline: Guy comes across a CD that promises to awaken his boring life but what is he willing to lose in order to really live?
Synopsis:
Guy Freeman is an average man working a boring day job in the Philadelphia area. He’s married to his workaholic college sweetheart, Jennifer, and is plagued by the banality of his life and his work. However, one day, someone breaks into his car only to leave behind a blank CD. He inserts the CD into his player and listens to the offer of a lifetime. The voice promises him excitement and something other than his boring life if he only takes I-76. Guy is torn between his wife and the exciting scavenger hunt but decides he needs to find himself with or without Jen.
He begins to drive to middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania but is troubled by a recurrent hitchhiker, a broken down car and numerous calls from work. He finally ditches his cell phone in a corn field only to run into a shoplifting teenager named Ricky who asks him for a ride. Guy and Ricky are on their way to town when they are rear ended by a mean rough named Bruiser. They narrowly escape his fists of fury when they come upon the small town Guy had been looking for. Guy drops off Ricky and heads towards the house he was told to go to. He knocks on the door but no one’s there. He falls asleep on the swing on the porch and dreams that his estranged father lives in the house and invites him in. Instead, he wakes up to find a little old man who doesn’t know him or what he wants.
Guy decides to leave but comes upon a billboard saying, “Guy, Wait!” So Guy waits beneath the billboard until woman, Sandy, approaches him about the sign. He thinks that she’s the person he’s supposed to meet; however, she only knows his name because of the billboard. She leaves him but returns when she sees Bruiser approaching Guy about to beat him up over Ricky’s whereabouts. Sandy takes Guy back to her apartment and tells him about her career as an exotic dancer. She makes him a sandwich, which is drugged, and Guy ends up falling asleep on her couch.
Guy wakes up in her empty house to find Sandy, his car, his bag, and everything gone. The police come to the house and arrest Guy for attempted sexual assault as well as other crimes. On the wall of his prison it reads, “A guy who carries his prison on his back will never be a free man even if there are no walls to hold him”. Guy is released from prison after it is found out that the information given to hold him was falsified. However, on the prison wall beneath the quote was a number which Guy calls to get another clue for his scavenger hunt of where to go next, Marlborough, New Hampshire.
Guy takes the bus up to New Hampshire and meets Ricky on the way up there, strung out. The sheriff tells Guy to remember “it’s all lies but the truth”. On the bus, Guy meets Nat, a small talkative man who seems suspicious. While in New Hampshire, Guy comes across some scientific books (How to Build a Time Machine by Paul Davies, etc.) and learns more about time and its elasticity. He then goes to a bar and drinks some and sees his father who he believes is dead. Guy then walks into the woods looking for a place to stay for the night. He comes upon a man named Paul rowing a boat who is supposed to set him up for the night. Paul is part of the scavenger hunt but refuses to give Guy any answers, only plane tickets to Phoenix.
Guy arrives in Phoenix believing that maybe his estranged father is still alive and has sent him on this wild goose chase in order to reunite them. However, when he does come upon the Freeman household, he is not welcomed in, but shut out. Finally, Mr. Freeman, a man only ten years Guy’s senior threatens Guy with violence to leave his family alone. Guy then runs into Sandy who tries to make it up to him by explaining that she is part of the scavenger hunt and that she herself did the same thing years ago in hopes to find her deceased daughter. Sandy explains that “they” make you believe that there is a chance that the deceased didn’t really die, that they could still be living amongst us. Sandy and Guy rent a room together in a hotel, however, they don’t have sex because of Guy’s commitment to his wife. Guy wakes up the next morning to find his things gone and Sandy’s writing in a new book “A New Science of Life” with the quote, “I wasn’t going to take your bag but you’re writing the script”.
Guy then receives a call from Ricky who asks to meet up with him and help him. Ricky is dealing with his drug addiction and Guy tries to help him. However, Guy’s own paranoia takes over and the scavenger hunt leads him off the trail and he leaves Ricky alone and to his own devices. Guy returns to find Ricky dead from an overdose in the hotel bathroom. Stunned and in shock, Guy leaves the hotel and runs into the recurring vagrant. They have a brief conversation when Bruiser shows up ready to kill Guy. The vagrant bashes Bruiser over the head and takes Guy with him. The vagrant tells Guy that there is no wrong way and takes him to the desert. Guy walks around the desert, starving himself trying to find the answers to his problems. Guy finally comes across a talking cactus who tells him about conscious determinism and that if he only believes in the possibility of objects that they will reveal themselves to him. Guy then has a vision about Ricky as a child and moves into the final stages of his scavenger hunt. The cactus turns into a Cadillac with the vagrant driving and drives Guy to the Carnival to meet Sandy. Sandy takes Guy to the top of the Ferris wheel and thanks him. He is baffled but she refuses to answer his questions. She hands him an envelope with a MP3 player, old photographs and a plane ticket home. They get off the ride and Sandy kisses him lightly with tears in her eyes and walks away saying, “For saving my life”. She then disappears into the crowd. Guy listens to the MP3 which tells him he has completed his scavenger hunt and can do whatever he likes now. The whole point is that he loses is everything to appreciate what he had.
However, Guy is not satisfied with that answer and tears up the flight ticket home. The one photograph reads 365 Orchard Lane, which is where Guy goes. Guy knocks on the door to find his father, waiting for him. His father suggests they go to the beach and on the way he’ll explain everything. His father has his stolen car and drives as Guy questions him. His father tells him about taking his own life for granted until the death by overdose of his sixteen year old son, Ricky. Guy remarks that he held Ricky in his arms when he died. His father asks him if it really was him. His father goes on to say that until then life was boring and taken for granted. However, after the incident he wanted to wake people up from their lives, so they might enjoy it and take full control. He set up a network of people who played as actors in the different scavenger hunts so that the person might learn. By taking away what they had, they’d gain the knowledge of what they needed. Guy’s father traveled the world in hopes of finding places that would liven his mind and his will and want to live, yet, everywhere he looked people were wasting away with drugs, alcohol, TV, etc. So he needed more drastic measures to wake people up. Guy’s father shows him scene after scene of his own life mirrored earlier in visions seen by Guy and conjured up by his father’s own conscious determinism.
Finally, when they reach the beach Guy asks why his father left his mother and him when he was younger. His father answers him with “it’s all lies but the truth. Ready? You really are writing the script, Guy. I’m not your father”. A flash of different voices are heard from throughout the film: Sandy-“I can travel through time”, “You get it wrong, you come back and do it again, and again, and again, and one of these times you get it right”, “We are or can be in direct contact with our past or future selves. The contact is there, and we get to choose whether we will be aware of it”, Dad- “I wished that someone had done it to me when I was young”. The movie ends with Jennifer entering her car and listening to the same CD while Guy watches from outside.
Comments:
Okay, so now that I get the ending (the father is future him and has set it up so that he may see what the future holds for himself and he’s been trying to re-write his future over and over again ever since) I think this screenplay is really well done! There’s a plethora of complicated layers (time travel, multiple persons of the same identity, conscious determinism, etc.) however, it is a plausible mixture to be ingested. The storyline is a very odd mixture of stories: Slaughterhouse-Five flashbacks and flash forwards, “The Game” scavenger hunting, “Donnie Darko” time warps and time elasticity, as well as an overall theme of a non-linear timeline. However, it does have its own unique qualities and is an intriguing story. The characters are well-developed and interesting and the images are fascinating and enveloping.
There are two potential problems I foresee with this project: dialogue and an overload of story. Once the story picks up the writer really delves more into the action and is able to focus on worthwhile dialogue that furthers the storyline, however, in the beginning of the script there is a lot of unneeded dialogue with Guy to himself. Most of that dialogue is just unnecessary or to fill up time. I think it would be more potent and even more telling of the banality of his life if he was so silent that he didn’t speak until necessary. Images are stronger than words and Guy talking to himself makes him look insecure and a little crazy. If you want to show him as bored have him being dead silent, intriguing to watch, but dead silent. It will play up the dichotomy between the office scenes and the hunt scenes. The dialogue also has a tendency to get a little heavy into the science stuff. Since this is such a science-fiction heavy script that it’s good to have terminology but one doesn’t want to abandon the audience completely. Certain lines could be lessened so that they at least could still make sense with the science still in them. This overloading also relates to the overloading of layers in the story. I personally really enjoyed the conscious determinism, it’s easy enough to relate to in the small term and one only has to use their imagination to see it in larger parts. Plus, it provides for some fancy effects in the film that make me excited to think about.
The scenes I didn’t include above in the synopsis include some of the flashbacks and flashforwards that Guy has that are his. I excluded them for time and space but they are an interesting addition to the storyline. Once the ending is revealed they are the keys to why his future self wanted to show himself his own future. They make for wonderful cuts and images, the cinematography for them could be absolutely amazing. However, these mixed with the idea of time travel on top becomes confusing, unless worked out in the mind. Present day Guy has flashforwards and flashbacks of himself because his future self (his “father”) wants to re-write his own life to regain Ricky’s as well as his want for life back. Future Guy or “Father” time travels constantly back again and again to try to re-write his own life. It’s a little round about and hard to wrap one’s head about but makes sense once gotten.
On top of this is the mysterious scavenger hunt that no one reveals anything about until the end (to take it all away so one can appreciate it). This is extra special for Guy because it is his future self that is doing it to him, not a random stranger, and on top of that, he not only must appreciate his life more but change his life fully for the sake of himself. These sometimes conflicting but also similar themes are all loaded into this script and it is a definite possibility that they could easily become confusing or baffle the audience. There’s a lot going on and to have all these at work is a little rough to follow but pays off in the end. One would just have to be careful when shooting this to execute it well enough to be clear about what’s what. CD was a really well written script. It took me a little to wrap my head around it but I finally got it in the end. The title is a little lacking but that can always be fixed. The idea itself is an amalgamation of philosophies and the search for self that all men make but the ending is really worthwhile and through some of the confusion and topsy-turvy plot line, it is evident that an intriguing story lies beneath.
The Lone Surfer of Montana, Kansas
Covered by Kelsey Amentt
108 pages
Genre: Seriocomic Vignettes
Budget:
Circa: Present Day
Locale: Montana, Kansas; Chicago, Illinois; Albuquerque, New Mexico
Logline:
The short vignettes of American dreamers and their realization of the fallibility and disappointment of their dreams.
Summary:
The film begins with Gulliver and Sally traveling through barren Kansas making their way to New York City. Their relationship with each other is wearing thin and the disillusion of their love is hitting them hard on their trip. They even run into some trouble with a cop after a heated argument that caused Gulliver to speed.
While traveling, they come across a boy attempting to surf in a field of grass by using a surfboard and a hammock. Intrigued by the sight, Gulliver and Sally watch the teenager. The teenager’s strong belief in his own dreams reignites Gulliver and Sally’s dreams of love. They begin to make out when Gulliver hits the horn of his car causing the teenage surfer to fall off his board and break his arm. Gulliver and Sally race Kyle, the teenage surfer, to the hospital but are pulled over once again by the boisterous cop from before. He is now thoroughly drunk and refuses to believe Gulliver’s claims that he is going to the hospital.
Things grow even more dire when through a misunderstanding that the cop believes Gulliver hurt someone because of Kyle’s blood on his shirt. The cop fires at Gulliver but misses him and strikes a middle-aged woman in the arm. Other cops arrive and help Kyle and the hit woman to the hospital. The officer who fired feels guilty and is filled with the disenchantment of the act he has done. Sally and Gulliver travel with them to bring Kyle’s surfboard. Kyle’s parents are already at the hospital because his younger sister is dying. Kyle’s father disapproves of Kyle’s dream to surf but upon seeing Kyle embraces him. The vignette ends with the officer, Sally and Gulliver sitting in the car as the rain pours down hit with the reality of what has just transpired.
The next vignette takes place earlier in time in Chicago. Sally’s sister Nicole is engaged to be married to Todd but is fooling around with Huey. She teases him and taunts him until he suggests they go to New York together. She refuses saying what about Todd. Huey’s friends, Jay and Gulliver tell him to leave Nicole since she is just using him. Huey refuses and sticks with his daydreams of Nicole and him.
At Sally’s birthday party in Nicole’s apartment, Todd shows up a day early which disappoints Huey severely. Huey tries to talk to Nicole but she refuses to acknowledge him. After seeing Huey talking to an old attractive friend, Nicole tries to entice Huey but he doesn’t go for it. Feeling burnt, Nicole refuses to talk to Huey and goes to her room with Todd. Huey falls asleep on Nicole’s couch but he wakes up after Nicole exits her room. She continues to tease him until he mentions New York. She refuses again and Huey leaves, frustrated. He sees Gulliver and Sally hooked up as well and becomes even more determined to take Nicole to New York with him. As he is leaving her apartment, he runs into a large black dog with a hurt paw. He attempts to see the dog’s collar but the dog, once friendly and sad, begins to growl ferociously. Huey gets away but is later attacked by the same dog. Huey is able to fend it off but goes home scared. He decides to come back the next morning to see if Nicole will leave with him but instead he sees Todd wiping the ice off his car. Behind Todd, the black dog sits looking straight at Huey until the sun rises and the dog disappears into the air.
In the final vignette, Anthony, Todd’s brother, is focused on. Living with his Grandfather and his grandpa’s cat, Gilbert, Anthony is a poor loner with nothing to believe in. When Gilbert gets sick, Grandpa suggests a scheme to Anthony for them to steal airplane baggage to sell and raise money for the cat’s health. Anthony steals several bags including one backpack with several CDs, a notebook, a CD player, etc. in it. Anthony takes a listen to the CDs and finds he connects with the voice of the owner of the backpack. He falls madly in love with the illusion of Maggie, the singer songwriter who, as Anthony imagines it, is perfect in every way.
Anthony finally decides to return the backpack only to be disappointed by the middle aged frumpy woman known as Maggie. He hides his feelings but her tenderness warms his heart. Noah, Maggie’s boyfriend, helps Anthony and is able to contact Todd who is overseas. Anthony is overwhelmed by his brother’s voice and his own loneliness and begins to cry. Maggie comforts him and finds that Anthony just needs a friend. In the final scene, Anthony goes into a crowded bar and joins the crowd, not alone anymore.
Comments:
Overall, it was very well written and planned out. Every character was immediately recognizable and enrapturing. The dialogue was perfect for each character and really popped off the page. The dialogue said just enough without too much or too less. The opening scene with Gulliver and Sally was wonderful. The whole diner scene when he orders her apple pie (so American) and she didn’t want it. The action and the language immediately establish the characters as well as their relationship. This is not an easy feat, and I admire the accomplishment.
I thought the names were very interesting. Gulliver (i.e. Gulliver’s travels) works, almost a little too well since he is traveling through the country with his girl. It is also a pretty unusual name. Huey is great, just the sound of it (“you-ee” or even “you and me”) describes his character instantly. Huey is a man obsessed with winning over what he knows he can’t have, Nicole. For him, it is all about Nicole and Nicole being with him. The allegory of the big black dog is interesting for the screen. When reading, allegories such as that stand out slightly and are meant to be lightly and subliminally ingested. When an actual visual of a black dog appears on the screen, it has the potential for being overdone and killing the symbol. As long as the dog appears normal until the end when it disappears, I can see it working just fine (just no big fangs and blood shot eyes). I took the dog to represent the ominous reality of Huey’s dreams with Nicole. Like Nicole, the dog entices him, even teases him with a hurt paw and sad eyes, but as soon as he tries to bring the dog “home” (to gain power over the dog’s fate) it retaliates. There could be other interpretations but I believe it is still a loaded but good allegory nonetheless.
A possible issue I foresaw with this script was just the vignette idea in general. The characters are well developed and their stories don’t need much more than the 30 pages given them but even though they are related (acquainted?) it might be hard for viewers to keep up with each changing plot line. I personally love short stories and so a series of short vignettes in film all carrying the same message appeals to me. However, to play devil’s advocate, there are some people who would wonder, “Why should I care about these characters? Their lives for me will be over in 30 pages/minutes.” So I guess the question I’m asking is why are we supposed to care about these people? One can relate here and there but there’s not really enough time to develop an actual caring audience-character relationship. If anything I cared more for the characters who were in immediate danger or the ones whose dreams had been destroyed. Those were the characters that I empathized with the most because they were either physically or emotionally in danger.
The vignettes also might be good for those with shorter attention spans. A film that quickly changes characters, all of whom are amiable, but contain the same theme might appeal to a more young and fast-paced generation. The vignettes could help or harm the film but really give the film a personality. Like the illusionary dreams of the characters, the vignettes are short-lived and a chunk of reality thrown into their lives. The title itself is a deferred dream. The audience goes into the film thinking it will focus on Kyle but it focuses on what Kyle represents: a dream stuck in a barren reality.